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talyenI hate all the horrible things that were done to me as a kid, and mainly I hate that they still affect me as an adult. I spent 10 years (more, really, but 10 productive years) in therapy, and they got me where I am today.
Where am I today? I'm a reasonably productive 39-year-old single woman. I work and contribute to my community.
Now I want to have a relationship with another adult, and for that, more therapy.
And I want to parent a child. For that, how much more therapy?
Anyway, sometimes hiding away for a bit is good. And talking to a therapist, and trying to figure out what I need, and not knowing, are okay. And sometimes, the most wonderful woman in the world is still there, and still understanding, on the other end of the phone, even when I didn't expect her to be there. Or know that she could be. Even when I feel like hiding, sometimes the world is an okay place.
Meanwhile, the anti-seizure drugs have kicked in. I'm going to go run a shorter distance today than I have been, and see how that goes. It was good yesterday, but sometimes I was a bit dizzy, even though overall I felt good. I hope I feel as good today, since I am still a bit dizzy. I'm planning to go further from home - maybe it was just going up and down all the same streets that made me dizzy.
My second day in a row without seeing Catherine. I miss her. Checking in with her on the phone isn't the same thing, but it sure beats not being able to check in at all. I will have to figure out what about it feels like checking in, so I can somehow distill that part of it out of the phone call, for when time is short.
Where am I today? I'm a reasonably productive 39-year-old single woman. I work and contribute to my community.
Now I want to have a relationship with another adult, and for that, more therapy.
And I want to parent a child. For that, how much more therapy?
Anyway, sometimes hiding away for a bit is good. And talking to a therapist, and trying to figure out what I need, and not knowing, are okay. And sometimes, the most wonderful woman in the world is still there, and still understanding, on the other end of the phone, even when I didn't expect her to be there. Or know that she could be. Even when I feel like hiding, sometimes the world is an okay place.
Meanwhile, the anti-seizure drugs have kicked in. I'm going to go run a shorter distance today than I have been, and see how that goes. It was good yesterday, but sometimes I was a bit dizzy, even though overall I felt good. I hope I feel as good today, since I am still a bit dizzy. I'm planning to go further from home - maybe it was just going up and down all the same streets that made me dizzy.
My second day in a row without seeing Catherine. I miss her. Checking in with her on the phone isn't the same thing, but it sure beats not being able to check in at all. I will have to figure out what about it feels like checking in, so I can somehow distill that part of it out of the phone call, for when time is short.
no subject
Date: 2004-09-30 11:10 am (UTC)