Dirt Weekend

[talyen]

Busy weekend. Plans started Friday at 6pm and went until 11pm Saturday.

BBQ with Catherine's work people was fun. I was one of something like seven girlfriends of those who actually work in the lab. Ah, the benefits of being a lesbian - not a situation I've spent much time in, being the auxiliary member of the pair. At least I had enough background in science to understand the words they were using.

Then the womyn-only dance. That was a blast! Catherine looked so hot that I didn't want to leave the house. Except that leaving meant seeing her in a new context, and others seeing how gorgeous she is. We ran into quite a few people we each knew. One of her friends told us that we really have something special between us, which was heavenly to hear. Dancing together was the best part. I loved being silly and sexy and having fun together.

The next morning, waking up at 5:15am on a Saturday for the 62-mile, 15 legged race. I wasn't running: Catherine, her housemates, and 12 other friends were forming three teams to do Dances With Dirt. They each ran about 13 - 15 miles of trails, jumping over logs, running up steep hills, running through and hopefully around mud sink-holes, and avoiding horse manure, three legs each. It made me want to become a better runner - more consistent, faster, and with more endurance. I would love to run it next year. As it was, I ran a lot for me while waiting around 15 minutes (slowly), 25 minutes, and 45 minutes at different times of day.

Afterwards was the obligatory jump in the lake, followed by food and beer. Lots of beer. On the way home, Catherine said something that upset me, and the combination of being slightly drunk and being upset caused me to run a blinking red light and nearly crash into another car. Beer bad!

And so we had our first difficulty. A sadness, in fact. We were both exhausted and now we have to learn how to do something new together: resolve conflict within the context of our relationship. How do you resolve conflict with the love of your life? Do you sleep on it? Do you go to bed hurt/angry/aching? Do you stay up as long as it takes and keep at it? Do you do something else, like set up time each week to talk about anything, even stuff that might hurt? How do you handle those painful items that must be worked out?

As has been true each day for the past 7+ weeks, I want her in my life more today than I did yesterday. Slowly and carefully, I hope that we integrate our separate selves into a full life together.

Comments

[sarahf.livejournal.com]

I'm one for working on it until you're both willing to accept what you end up with. Compromise and communication, but each as important as the other. I don't like sleeping on it, because we sleep together, so I don't know how that would work for you. Being willing to let things go once you've actually hashed out a compromise/resolution is also very important. If you aren't willing to do that, then all your communication and compromise won't work. But talking through *everything* about the issue that worries you--everything. Because then you can let it go. A *lot* of "I" statements and passive verbs. "I feel that this is happening..." rather than "You did..." That way you can do it all calmly, rather than descending into yelling matches--although we've done that, too, but not after we'd properly decided to talk, really communicate.

Good luck. Hope things go well. I'm here if you need to talk.

[nubianamy.livejournal.com]

How do you resolve conflict with the love of your life? Do you sleep on it? Do you go to bed hurt/angry/aching? Do you stay up as long as it takes and keep at it? Do you do something else, like set up time each week to talk about anything, even stuff that might hurt? How do you handle those painful items that must be worked out?

I prefer to talk about it, but if it is late in the evening, it is easy to get short-tempered. Sometimes it is better to stop talking and just sit together in a space of love, making eye contact and touching one another.

I tend to talk about things in bed naked, because of the increased intimacy.