Raft of updates

[talyen]

I still think of Iain all the time. I guess I never realized how often I thought of him, since he was always there, just an email reach away. "Raft of updates" ...

I think of C as a very brave person. This weekend, she showed it yet again, by meeting my immediate family. For me, that's 32 people (not including her and me). Of those, one brother and his family and one set of grandparents didn't come. Two extra friends-of-family came, for a total of 27 people besides us. She met them all, talked with them, tried to remember names. She's amazing. We've been together five weeks. I'm sure it was the edge of too much for her, but I loved being there together. A new adventure, and it was fun.

I say it was fun, but I only refer to the adventure. In actuality, parts of it were awful. My mother (cancer in true remission now) commenting on the white hairs I have (I am proud of them, dammit!) while referring to C as my "friend"; my father's face-splitting grin when he sees me, commenting that I'm gorgeous, and overall trying too hard to get something I am never going to give; my youngest brother not showing up and me missing meeting my youngest niece that I'll never form a true attachment to, anyway. Making sure I often say, "my girlfriend" when referring to C, or introducing her. Trying not to sit near the "adults" so as to avoid having to talk about myself to people who never hear me anyway.

Wondering if I'll ever be able to create my ideal family, partly to make up for the mess of the one I've got, partly because I deserve it.

It was a long party. I am glad to be home.

Drumming is going better. Singing was always easy - this is hard work. I guess there were times when I had to work to learn difficult songs, but I rarely had to work this hard. Maybe it's harder because some of this is basics, and I learned the basics of singing (diaphragm use, breathing, notes, intervals) between the ages of 7 and 12. Now I'm a lot older, and have to learn drumming basics as if most of my music training doesn't matter. Hand placement, "stroking" techniques, how to make the sound sounding good and at the right time, rhythms, and much more timing than I ever paid attention to before - all new.

And I love it. It's a treat to play, to practice, to mess around. Sometimes I save it until everything else is done, and then I don't have as much time as I wish for to try things, to play with the sounds, to play with my hands on the drums. It's a new thing to listen for, new sounds and requirements. More fun than piano when I get it right.

We drummed at the zoo on Sunday morning. It was raining, and cool, and the perfect time to snuggle up warm under the blankets, which we did not do. I'm sure the walkers *against* cancer appreciated the music as the walked. The lion appeared to like it, as well. For me, the best part was the butterfly garden, after the drumming was over and we could walk around the zoo. I like turtles and frogs lots, but the butterfly garden turned me into a child. I could watch them for hours, I'm sure (C is a very patient person, and I appreciate her more than I tell her). The aviary just outside the butterfly garden is also a wonder. The birds were singing, talking, flying, whacking each other, and completely disregarding us as they went about their business. The colors draw me in, and I am lost in the patterns they make, flying to and fro, squawking, jumping, shrilling, and spitting out seedshells. Sometimes the simple stuff stuns me.